i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
