hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
