Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
