he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
