I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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