I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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