matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
