So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
