I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
