Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My ass is underappreciated
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
