How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
