WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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