what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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