The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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