me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
