i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
