I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
