youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I understand Curling. That high.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
