I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
