Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
