Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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