im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
