You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
