If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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