whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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