Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
