At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
