If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
