I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
