we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
