I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
