Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
