I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
