how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
