when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
