my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
