I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
