Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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