He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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