I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
