hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
