I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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