I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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