I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
