just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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