i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
