I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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