Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
