i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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