just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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