i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
