I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
