hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
