Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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