go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
